Scared
I can't sleep tonight and I am not sure where to go from the place my thoughts have left me. I am realizing just how much the friends I have made over the last year mean to me as I realize how very much I miss having them around.
I hate crying, even in private, but that is where I find myself. Scared because everyone one I know and care about keeps leaving. Usually it is a physical departure but then that tends to end up with both of us checked out of the friendship.
Scared that I found the place, the group, whatever you wish to call it that I fit and I belong but that it is gone unable to be grasped.
Scared that if I am able to keep up with the precious friends I am scared of losing that the friendships I make where I am will forever pale in comparison.
And into this mixture comes a random article. It reminds me of the loss of another precious friend through time and distance. It reminds me of the incessant writing of the friends I fear to lose. And how amazed always am out how prolific their writing is and yet how it is never watered down by the vast quantity written.
I'm scared.
posted by Andunneana @ 1:29 AM
3 Comments:
*sigh* I'm scared too...honestly.
Much fear I sense in you...
;) (think Yoda from Star Wars)
But I must concur with both of your sentiments.
Honestly? I'm scared to death, I should probably be bawling curled up in a ball on the floor in the corner but where would that get me?
*sigh* so we stick it out, with our meagre little portion of faith: all we have left to hold in the night, like a nasty, dirty security blanket that hasn't been washed in forever and is starting to smell.
You have captured exactly how I have been feeling as well. I have realized that one of my deepest fears is being forgotten, and also forgetting someone I love. Just yesterday I was reading something RK posted and I started crying because I missed you guys so much. So... you're not alone.
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